Let’s talk about habits. Those seemingly mindless activities
we perform daily. Those things that we love and loathe about ourselves and
others. Those things that separate us, because we allow them to separate us,
from fully accepting ourselves. My experience is that habits create most of our
praise and distain for our selves. Those habits that we see as great we use to
create stories of our goodness, kindness, and success. Those habits that we see
as holding us down we use to create stories of our lack of worth, inability to
change, and distaste of who we’ve become. If all of our habits are learned
behaviors and learned patterns for doing things, what is it that keeps us from
being able to adjust, shift, and morph into how we would like to see ourselves
and to have others see us that way? Is it because we are too lazy to try to do
things differently? Is it because we have failed so many times that we’ve given
up? Is it just too hard to change? Is it because sustaining behaviors takes
effort, accountability, and drive and we aren’t willing to do the work?
Philosophers and scientist have been studying habits since the
time of Aristotle. Recently, at least in the past decade, there have been a
series of books published to shed some insight into the world of our habits. The
most fascinating thing is that most of the books point to a few core concepts
designed to support us in understanding why we have habits, habits that work
for us and habits that seem to work against us, what a habit consists of, or
the pattern of habits, and what is needed to create or change a habit. The most
recent habit best sellers are Charles Duhiggs’ The Power of Habits (2013),
Stephen Guises’, Mini Habits (2013), S.J. Scotts’ Habit Stacking
(2017), James Clears’ Atomic Habits (2018) and BJ Foggs’ Tiny Habits
(2019). What I discovered in reading or listening to these authors books is,
while my understanding of habits has increased due to scientific studies on how
our brains work and the cycle associated with habits, changing habits and
creating new habits requires dedication, perseverance, and a willingness to
fail often. Each habit that we have is unique to us, while we may brush our teeth
at least two times a day, when we do that varies from person to person, so the
habit isn’t identical in all people.
There are three common themes in all of these books that make
a difference in how we approach creating, changing, or eliminating or replacing
habits. The three primary similarities within all of the books are start small,
tie what you want to create to something you already do, and celebrate when you
do what you say you are going to do. There are more similarities between all of
the books and I’ll provide additional insights as we continue the habit and
practice journeys. Providing the foundational understanding of what makes a difference
in beginning to shift our habits is the purpose of starting with these three
prominent ingredients.
The most prominent in all of the books is the simple act of
starting small. In Mini Habits Stephen Guise writes about starting the one push
up challenge and in Tiny Habits BJ Foggs writes about starting with two push
ups. The remaining books have similar theme. Starting small, really small,
creates the opportunity to implement the change and be able to repeat it in the
same way throughout the day and over an extended period of time. Starting small
allows you to practice what you are working to achieve consistently. If you
start out with one push up, or even as BJ Fogg did by flossing one tooth, being
able to repeat that same behavior daily or throughout the day in the same way is
highly likely. Creating the opportunity to practice the behavior consistently is
a critical component.
This brings us to the second similarity, tying the new or
changed behavior to a previously existing behavior. In Habit Stacking, S.J.
Scott provides 97 habits and demonstrates how to create routines out of each of
the small habits. In The Power of Habits, Charles Duhigg describes Michael
Phelps warm up routine, a series of small habits practiced consistently. When
implementing a new or a changed habit, tying it to other successful habits
increases the likelihood that it too will become part of a routine. Finding
where in your day to implement something new may take some trial and error. Once
you’ve tied it to an existing habit, practice it consistently with the other habits
you have until it is part of your overall routine.
The last of the three foundational elements is celebration.
It doesn’t take much to give yourself praise for maintaining your commitment,
your integrity. When you are able to successfully complete the habit that you
are changing or the new habit your are creating, a quick smile, an air high
five, a swoosh, or a head nod may be all it takes. While it may sound silly, it
creates gratitude, one of the most under rated emotions we possess. Gratitude is
one of those emotions, greater than success, that can elevate the day. When we
find we have done something and done it well, celebrating ourselves as being
our word to ourselves is important. Being grateful for our ability to follow
through, to have kept our word, and to have done so in letter and spirit.
Small, tied to other healthy habits, and celebrating our integrity are where we
start with building new habits. Is it really that simple, it can be if we say it
can be.
